you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
