Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
