And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
