It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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