You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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