Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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