Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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