turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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