just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
