All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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