I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
