and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
