So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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