friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
