No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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