Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
