You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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