rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
