this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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