i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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