i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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