so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
