I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
