Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my shit smells like andre
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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