i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
