i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sorry about my life...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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