i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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