You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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