She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
