It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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