the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
