I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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