She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
