Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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