TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
