sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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