im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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