He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
