This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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