ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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