i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
