Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
