His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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