You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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