well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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