Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
