no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize