You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
