i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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