Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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