you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize