i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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