Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
