I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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