im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
