She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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