so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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