And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
