just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
