I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
