he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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