i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
